Reality TV

I think I could be a writer for reality tv. After all i did make quite a few appearances on The Real World: San Diego, and i practically tweeted every question to 1 Girl 5 Gays. Reality TV is the only way you can make it as a celebrity these days. Lets face it my dream of being a cyber celebrity it starting to dwindle. I'm slowly coming to the realization that I'm not going to be cast in the up and coming season of 16 and pregnant, however it doesn't mean I couldn't write for Reality TV.  Let me paint a few scenarios for ya;

Picture this: Snooki and Chelsea Handler co-staring in a reality tv show called "Who's More Drunk Right Now?" Hilarity would for sure ensue considering the amount of Steal Kettle Vodka Ms. Handler consumes mixed with spray tan and hairspray fumes. There's no telling who's more inebriated!

Or what about something with Honey Boo Boo and the Mythbusters? Hilarious right? Actually I think all TV shows would be better if Honey Boo Boo hosted them. (if your not familiar with Honey Boo Boo start watching it immediately)

I think it would be pretty awesome to create a show where Amanda Bynes and Lindsey Lohan are forced to carpool together everywhere they go. I'm sure it would just turn into a competition over who could take the sluttiest mugshot. PS I think Ms. Bynes is a lezzy but you didn't here that from me.

How about a survivor type show except instead of being on some crazy island it could be celebrities stuck in a motel 6 without their cell phones. I think it would be great to see Perez Hilton not on twitter for once, or Taylor Swift forced to do something besides call her ex-boyfriend 500 times then write a song about it. It could be great.

16 and Pregnant meets Toddlers in Tiaras. It would be sooooo perfect!!!!!!!

Any suggestions for Reality TV? I'm pitching these ideas to a Fox for sure.


hunterjames

i forgot i started a blog

I totally forgot I started a blog like a year ago. Hilarious! Fortunately I only have 1 follower on here so I only have to apologize to mr. kyle suess about my absence. You know it's pretty hard to keep up with 2012; Hipstagram, Tweeter, Facialbook, Tumblr (no witty name change for Tumblr sorry about that). Seriously 2012 is ruining my life. Social media is like the biggest deal. Who am I without my twitter account? What exactly is @hunterjamesisbetter all about? Who knows who cares (2points).

Here is a brief story to help me remember how to write:

So we had a rat in our house, The Orange House that is. Yes HAD. I would see him on occasion and was never really frightened more excited if you will. I named him Mr. Finkles for no reason at all it just seemed fitting. Unbeknownst to me a few of my roommates set out some rat traps. I understand that rats carry disease and nasty-ness and are probably not a good thing to have in your house but rat traps? slightly inhumane. Any how me and Mr. Finkles formed a bond. He was cute and had a super long tail i thought was adorable until one unforgettable day at The Orange House.

I'm walking through the laundry room out the door to the back yard because I really needed to show Isaac this super chic tumblr blog i found about bunny rabbits and noticed this sticky brownish/red trail on the ground. "hhhmmm?:" I think. I continue to walk outside and there lying on the ground already covered in ants is Mr. Finkles. I was devastated. Apparently the boys had set up a trap in the laundry room and Mr. Finkles had wriggled free from aforementioned trap. He thought he was escaping to freedom, unfortunately freedom happened to be death only 8 feet away from the trap in a pool of blood. His poor little mangled body lay on my patio :( I felt so hopeless. Mr. Finkles and I had become friends. Who would eat the crumbs on the floor? Who would watch movies with me from under the couch?.... I think I may have some serious codependency issues.

I know his death was inevitable but it was awful. The following is a short poem in honor of Mr. Finkles:

I love the way your tail looked as you ran down the stairs
You were never ashamed to steel food from our floor as we staired

I love the way you scared Isaac
It was well timed and priceless

Oh Mr. Finkles I know you are in heaven
Eating a wheel of cheese with all your affection

I'm sorry your death was so painful
It wasn't my fault that trap looked playful

Rest in peace little rodent friend
It's only "see you later" not quite "the end"



i need serious help
hunterjames

Smelly cat

Walking through a crowded bar in PB is quite the experience. One medium-size room, American top 40 music radiating in your knee caps(5 points), sticky/slippery floors covered in $10 watered down "AMF's" or Long Island Ice Teas (because that's all anybody in PB knows how to order), and hundreds of sweaty drunk skanks make up the atmosphere we all know and love. Real quick here lets list all the bars in PB/MB that are EXACTLY the same: Beachcomber, Sandbar, Moondogies, PB Shore club, Ale House, Tavern, and PB bar and grill. I'm sure i'm missing several, but you get the point; they are all the same atmosphere. The worst part about all of these places on a busy weekend night is the smell.

A few nights ago I was walking past a group of size 14 girls wearing size 8 mini skirts and I caught a whiff of not only their vodka-stained breath and BO, but something else much worse. VICTORIA SECRET LOVESPELL!!! Ladies you all should be familiar with this one. You know that one that comes in a medium sized round PLASTIC purple bottle? If you are old enough to go to a bar you probably should not be wearing Victoria Secret's Lovespell body spray. It's not a perfume it's a cheap-ass body spray that smells like 7th grade.

While dancing at the Tavern last Thursday, I kept bumping into this guy who... well actually he was falling into me but that's a whole other rant you don't want to hear right now. As much as I wanted to passively step on his feet and give him a dirty look I just kept dancing and pretending that nothing happened.  Then i smelled it. FIERCE by Abercrombie & Fitch. Do grown up girls really go for that? If you are male and went to Centennial high school between the years of 2002-2009 you probably wore that cologne. In fact most of those people in that category probably still wear that cologne. KNOCK IT OFF! You are a grown man! How are you going to go out in PB, get drunk, meet girls, and  validate your heterosexuality by wearing Abercrombie's Fierce. No way, not now not never (4points)

The following scents are absolutely foul and inappropriate for adults to wear:
-Adidas... ANYTHING by Adidas
-Jake by Hollister
-Curious by Britney Spears (it should be called Circus (2 points))
-AXE.... words can not describe my hatred
-Any fragrance promoted by a professional athlete

well i guess i couldnt think of very  many but you get my point. In conclusion let it be known that I rather smell your sweaty BO than the latest scent of Mariah Carey.

love and other stuff.

I hate the never-dying argument regarding gay marriage. lets all just get over it.

What marriage means to me.

Marriage is so beautiful. Actually I think it's the wedding part that's beautiful the actual marriage isn't that cool. just kidding. How great is it that we as human beings can have a mate, a partner, a supporter, a lover, someone to make me food and check for burglars in the laundry room? It's pretty great. It's pretty powerful and overwhelming to think about committing every aspect of my life, for the rest of my life, to one person. I can't wait to do that. I can't wait to have one huge ceremony, one huge party celebrating my choice in a commitment to another being. So all i need now is about a $50,000 wedding budget, a great honeymoon vacation to every Disney theme park across the world, and of course a husband. I can do all of this and still validate it as a marriage. Do i really need the government's permission. i don't give a shit.

What has marriage become? its pretty sad. I can't believe that people feel the need to have the government's blessing so that they can get married. gay, straight, white, asian, dinosaur, Ke$ha, it doesn't matter! It makes me physically ill knowing that people pay money to the government, take a blood test, and jump through so many hoops to change their last name just so they can have a piece of official government issued paper that says they are married. modern day marriage is a joke. The idea that a couple should prepare a prenuptial agreement in the event that their marriage doesn't work out is absurd. Divorce's are even more absurd; spending thousands of dollars and fighting over who gets what just because the government acknowledged the two of you as obligated to each other. A modern marriage in America is a business partnership nothing else. 

I think it would be great if we could all trust our significant other enough to know that their word and promise of commitment is enough. which FINALLY brings me to the subject of this post; LOVE.

I love, "love". Not only is it this crazy feeling that lets you experience every emotion in your soul all at one time, it is also an action and a choice. I'm not just talking about marriage any more, weather it's family, friend, or spouse, getting to the point in any of those relationships where you can say you love them is the most compassionate and selfless act in the universe. To me saying "i love you" doesn't just encompass my attraction and interest to them, but it's letting them know that i CHOOSE to maintain a relationship with them despite whatever flaw or shitty circumstance. I CHOOSE to put them before my selfish ambitions and make their goals my goals. some times i'm bad at it, but that's how we learn. Sometimes we fail at being lovers, and get side tracked with our selfish ways, but that's how your love for someone gets stronger, and that's how you learn to love better.

 how great is it to be loved? to know someone will support you in all your decisions, someone who wants to see you grow and succeed and longs to better your life.  Someone who will honor you and protect you. Someone who despite your nasty habits and character flaws wants to help you grow and accomplish great things. 

the definition of love brings me to tears.

Love is big. 

Love is overwhelmingly massive. 

 

 

It's All a Game.

While reading my blog you'll find in time that most of my humor is references to absurd and obscure music, youtube videos, movies, and quotes from friends. Inspired by Carlly R.; for you enjoyment i have created a point system. Every time i make a reference i make sure to give its point value. i have no idea what a perfect score would be or what sort of prize is appropriate to the highest scorer but none the less there are indeed points.

first order of business

Because i am poorly educated and often find it hard to dramatically express my thoughts, I like to compose lists. Most of my writing (and general thought process) is lists. What better way to start my new blog then with a list.

DISCLAIMER: Some people might tell me I'm sarcastic. I don't know the meaning of sarcasm, or irony for that matter. Also; having different beliefs, opinions, morals, and roots is what makes us so beautifully diverse. I will never apologize for stating my beliefs or opinions for they are my own roots that make me who i am. sorry i'm not sorry. Furthermore if you are the type of person who loves to destructively and tactlessly state your counter feelings on my beliefs don't bother reading anything i ever post.

I really am a nice person i promise. Without further ado the very first list on my new blog. What kind of list you might ask? The following is a list I've composed of future topics i wish to right about on this blog.

1. Dinosaurs
2. Glitter
3. Ke$ha
4. Bud Light
5. Andre
6. Glee
7. Favorite brands of gin (if you know me at all.....2 points)
8. Paula Abdul
9. Football
10. Chelsea Handler
11. Boots and Boys (3 points)
12. Butterfly tattoos
13. Kittens
14. Disneyland
15. Hun Cal treats